Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Bouncing yogini

My story is unique.

And so is the life of every other security guard I have ever worked with, or met along the way. One of them is a lawyer in his country of origin. He cannot practice law in Canada, he is here without his family, working his ass off in hope to see them again one day and offer them a better life. I can barely freaking understand his English and yet, I love him for he is a great man in my heart. He makes next to no money, putting his life on the line for me, for his team, for his family, and for each and everyone of you.

I have immense respect for my fellow men, and I will continue to stand by their side. Whatever colour and personality they may have chosen to cloak themselves with, these men have been with me for a long time. During times of war, of celebration, in mourning, in proud moments of bravery and compassion, in times of struggle and in illness. I have come to call these men my BROTHERS.

I love them.

That said…

General security and BOUNCING are a different baby.

If you think a marriage is far from being perfect, try relating to a team of boys that are half your age and pretty much have more ability to crush you with their thumb, than you have strength in your whole body. Their humour is phenomenal, unmeasured, yes, it's the stories that get me.

I literally got to know these people having a beer with them after work, and listening to men who were a minute ago professional and put together, now going to great and amazing lengths to embarrass themselves like boys. I will absolutely not divulge any secrets here, privacy of those lives are my priority, but let me tell you this, even my worse ass moment with a young male bouncer, is worth telling. It ends up being one of my most memorable lessons of compassion in my life. It's easy to hate a man who crosses you, but it's quite another to hate a kid whom you know is only so open to your 40 year old female wisdom. It's like a teenager to a parent really, and yet he's a man and you're not his mother.

I have gained a truckload of humility as a guard and as a martial artist since becoming a security professional. Training and working with men who serve, in one way of another, does that to you. In the navy, I wasn't all that popular since I brought a man to court right in basic training. I charged him and stood up for my sisters who had all fallen. I was asked to wait next to him in the hallway, without a guard, awaiting for his sentencing. He was a master corporal with leadership abuse issues. Oh, let's just call it for what it is, a sexual predator and an asshole. He got a slap on the hand for his misbehaviour. This incident was one of the MANY I experienced in a very long year of service for our country.

NEVER ONCE, have I ever been treated disrespectfully like that by a bouncer. All of the men I have ever worked within the club industry, have respected my boundaries. And the team leader always had my back, all ways. Some guys were my age, so it's not just that I was too old. A lot of the guys were martial artists. As much as they used to hire bouncers from a gym, my team leader had a dojo, and was himself and very highly ranked martial arts instructor, so he valued skills over looking intimidating. That is how I came to have the job to begin with. My husband and I ran a dojo ourselves, and came to meet Ari Knazan. The rest is history.

Ari was my cooler, or what you might refer to as the security manager. He was in charge of our sorry asses, and has had to deal with more then one interpersonal conflict in his life because of us. He may be younger than I in numbers, but in spirit and as a warrior, this guy is ancient. I am pretty damn sure we've been in wars together, because I run with him in the direction of any battle without even blinking. My biggest problem is RETREAT! I discovered by his side what it's like to be a lioness, and to listen. I saw what I'm made of much more from being security, than by ever fighting in a kickboxing match. I've learned to work as a team in ways the CANADIAN FORCES failed in a superb way.

And yet I left.

I discovered that even though I loved my job and my team, there are just certain things I cannot negotiate. Loyalty is a very important concept for me, and so is INTEGRITY, but the bar scene is difficult to digest. I am a big fan of honesty, and if we have reached a point where our paths must separate temporarily, let it be so, but it deeply pains me. My love and commitment is my honour. Those lifelines matter when you work in this industry. So to be mistrusted by your fellow soldiers, is not really the way to go if you wanna make it home at night.

I've learned the difference between movies and dojo a long time ago, but I never found out about reality outside the dojo as a fighter until I joined the team. They named me PHOENIX. Most of them have a colour for a name, which I later learned was based on a movie. These men are often nerds and geeks gone samurais. It's an absolutely pleasure to be in a pub with them no matter what, but I've never felt as  safe as being among fellow warriors…

These men come to the rescue of their brothers when they need them most, and will literally give their shirt away if you need it. They have our children's back, and I have seen our children be extremely rude and disrespectful. I've seen patrons spit in our faces, vomit on us, verbally abuse us all night, throw drinks, try to hit us and sometimes succeed, threaten death, and shoot at my team. Meanwhile, we revived their friends sorry asses when they are were unconscious.

You deserve the best care when it comes to your children, and we do our best to babysit with kindness and professionalism, those same kids you complain about on Facebook because they talk back to you. If my team uses force, we must have a really good reason. Remember they are ADULTS in OUR house, and it's a HUGE house, and we are sober. This goes for everyone actually, I'm sorry to say that women are often the worse, especially with female security, so don't you be thinking it's just a guy thing.

I have learned that boys will not always be boys, and girls can be much worse.


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