Sacred Friendship

Meet LINDSAY KNAZAN.

How could you NOT love that face?!

I can already hear her say: "Oh my goodness!"

Lindsay is, among many things, a yogi, and the owner of FIERCE yoga and martial arts studio. I could share her whole professional bio with you, but I won't. You can easily find it for yourself. What I will do, is tell you how much I love this human being…

You won't find many teachers like Lindsay on Instagram; she's very humble. That's exactly why a friend like me is essential. Lindsay is as beautiful externally as she is within. You would see that if I had chosen a more "appropriate" picture to demonstrate what a crazy beautiful woman she is. But this is my favourite picture of her!

What I love the most about Lindsay, is her willingness to express her whole being, and courageously tackle the work at hand. I've watched this woman break through walls since the day I met her. All I know is that my gut said I had to talk to her, and I haven't regretted that decision. Lindsay's friendship got me to see myself in ways I hadn't experienced before. That's always powerful.

 We are literally opposites, I think. She's tall, and blonde, walks softly, has a killer smile with sparkling teeth, she is ultra feminine and tactful and sweet, almost powdery. Light and quiet, private, introverted, sophisticated and elegant. She reminds me of a full moon reflecting on the ocean. I am short and stout, dreadlocks, I swear a lot, I'm loud and intense. I like to think I have a huge heart, like dragon-size big. I love to play hard, I have a bad temper but I have a good sense of humour. I hate housework and anything that resembles housewife behaviour. I'm more like the hot sun reflecting on the sand, warming your face and giving you sunburn.

One would wonder how two people like us would meet, let alone be friends. We happen to have many things in common, such as a strong meditation practice, friends and students who compete in martial arts tournaments, love for the ocean, laughing our asses off, talking about things from the heart, etc. We also happen to both be married to masterminds in the martial arts world. Let me rephrase this. We are both married to SUPER FREAKS of martial arts, movies, superheroes and gaming. Actually, there are days where our conversation is based on how "fascinating" being sensei's wife can be. It's a lot like living in a fairytale, but not quite like what we imagined as little girls, in fact, not at all to be honest. But there are still dragons and swords, and battles and feasts and drinks and weddings, and yes, games nights...

I am the kind of queen who loves to hang out at the round table with Kings and knights, swinging my sword and learning their battle cry. I love to listen to the stories of their incredible quests, have a pint with them and having the privilege of hearing conversations most women are excluded from. I mingle with the children and people who wish to learn how to stand strong and survive this world filled with fear and violence. And I love to build strength through alliance by connecting with other kingdoms.

 Lindsay on the other hand, is the kind of queen who is so bloody sweet, she hangs in the kitchen with her maids, sings songs of prayer for the world with her people, or softly breathes alone while chanting a mantra, studies in the field with the birds, the mice who speak to her while deer pick and throw flowers on her path as she walks. She reminds me of beauty, graceful strength and innocence all in one tall gorgeous package. She's a hard working and quiet soul. Not a big fan of chaos, she surrounds herself with beauty, wouldn't hurt a soul if she could help it, and does her absolute best to understand and find compassion for people who do.

The best thing about Lindsay is that she provides space and balance. I see the same in her teaching.

I love that about her. That is what I have found from yoga practice as well.

There is so much growth and freedom in that!

I'm so excited to enter this new journey with her, where my yoga practice will be new common grounds to explore and a language that can possibly deepen our understanding of what it's like to be a human being, 

I would love to tell you more about this amazing woman, but I would rather you meet her yourself and get your own experience. You should really get to know her, go meet her and Ari at their new studio, you won't regret it. 

FIERCE STUDIO

770 Bay Street

Victoria BC

CANADA

tel: 250. 590. 5065

click below for FIERCE website and offerings

FIERCE STUDIO yoga and martial arts

A sacred space...

I've been surprised at how internal and private my experience with yoga has been so far. I thought I was going to be more vocal about it. Somehow the opposite happened. My trial month is over, and I've only gone five times I believe; I obviously reached my goal not to be excessive! My body has been relieved from most of the pain I was struggling with before the first class, enough so that I can practically walk as long as I want to now, that's huge!

I read an article yesterday on how to take care of your mat, and the first paragraph really touched me. The author was referring to her mat as her second home. I stopped at the words: "I cried on it." I have certainly experienced this in earlier yoga classes and in martial arts. We often refer to the dojo mats as our second home. For many, it's their first home. Some people it's a zafu where they sit zazen, others a bike, a board. It's been interesting to notice how little I have wanted to go to Moksha considering the impact it has had on me, and as much as I trust my body to do what it must, I have to say I'm curious…

Today, I sense that I'm going to make my way there. My body is suffering from a long walk last night after I had an argument with my husband. The conflict was about family/inlaws, space, safety and healthy boundaries. As a counsellor, I am a little more involved in the psychological and emotional aspect of that topic, but he gets it. He's a highly experienced self defence instructor, he better get it! That being said, my reactions to triggers are a little more explosive than his, so I have had to be very mindful. We don't argue often. He's very easy going, and I'm a specialist in conflict resolution. I got LOADS of practice.

I've been a nomad all my life, but lately I seem to be nesting and wanting to create roots. I'm not sure if it's my age, or a phase, but I'm going with it. In the morning's stillness, I kept hearing the word TRANQUILITY, a concept I not only have been foreign to for many years, but one that seem extremely unappealing to me. I felt the residual effects of being out of sync with my lover and needing to stir the water.

I trust the process!

I feel overwhelmed though, and keep breathing into that placeI love how yoga keeps bringing the image of creating SPACE. I look at pictures of spotless environments and I miss it, I crave it. When I lived alone, my home was OCD clean and uncluttered. Now with a kid and a husband, I've had to let go of my anal ways to make space for peace. Not everyone appreciates this organization style and is willing to play along. So now I'm watching my own patterns unfold, and my mind having it's little freak outs about MY SPACE being invaded. I love spaces like zendos, yoga studios and some of the dojos I have practiced in where order, cleanliness and spaciousness are top priority. But it seems like if I really want to live in perfection, I will have to accept that I need to find it temporarily or by being in nature more often. To some degree, that brings me sadness. I keep thinking that I should be entitled to that in my own home without having to fight about it all the time. However, my little family is really harmonious in itself; our relating is very loving and peaceful in general, and that's worth something.

So, on the mat I go!

First class!

The good news is that I am almost speechless...

            Wow, that was amazing!

It wasn't what I expected, much richer actually. The best part is that people were quiet before and after the class. Even in the change rooms. I mean that's unheard of. In 46 years of existence, I have NEVER heard this much silence when girls gather. 

I am thrilled! 

The teacher was filling in and believed it was Friday, so she taught a different class than what was scheduled. I had registered for a beginners class, so it took me by surprise. I was pleased to observe that I could hold my own and that my body may not be as weak as I imagined it to be. The class was more challenging than difficult. I knew enough to survive.

The heat?

LOVE IT!

I knew I would...

My first impression?

I am grateful. 

I think I am HOME. 

Today...

                So I'm feeling guilty.

My zen teacher told me once that we tend to have a GO TO emotion, and that we are more than likely have this response about things in our life. This is true for me. He also said that it didn't surprise him to see that a Catholic girl would feel guilt in reaction to many things.

I don't sit zazen anymore, for many reasons. One of them being that my body just doesn't bring me there. I know it's normal to make excuses, so I won't. The fact is, I don't know that it is the best practice for me at this time, regardless of what I think. I trust my intuition. I have loved being there, and I love the results, but there is something significantly off.

I was on my way to see my friend Lindsay last night, but her studio was closed. I continued on my journey to go and meet my husband. It's our fifth wedding anniversary next week, and I asked if we could try acroyoga at MokshaYoga. I am so stocked about it! (Apparently we don't stay stocked anymore say some teens, but hey, I said it, therefore it's cool…) Victoria's community is quite small, and I'm privileged in knowing quite a few people, so Jason and I will be taking a private lesson with our friends Katie and Brandon. Two hours of pure bliss. Well, I am not that naive really, it might be a little harder work than blissful. For the sake of honesty, this past year has been very difficult on my body. Since I've stopped training martial arts full time, I am hurting something crazy. After seeing some specialists, I have decided to follow advice and intuition, and start a new practice…

I was intending to go see Lindsay for therapeutic yoga. She just came back from some pretty amazing training and I know she's extremely good at what she does. I'm deeply interested in the experience she is acquiring. I love the journey she's on and I was keen on supporting both her and I by practicing with her. Somehow, my body said: "NO." Apparently that is not where I am going to be. I need to forgive myself for doing what I believe is in my highest and best. I know she loves me, and I know she would probably advise me about what to do and not to do if she was really worried about my choice; I would do the same for her. That being said: "Yuk!".

Yes, I still worry about what other people think of me, silly me… GUILTY!

It is with that thought that I make the first step within. I will inquire. I have many tools at my disposal. I know I will love hot yoga, I just KNOW it. I am such a fan of the heat it's not funny, and when it comes to yoga, I've cried practically every time I've done a class. It brings me to a place where I just feel deep gratitude and as though I have come home. So based on that, how can it be wrong for me? I know better than to push too hard, and I listened very closely when I was told about stretching in heated environments.

I thought it would be a good idea to start something before throwing myself on top of my husband as a flyer. Poor man, I am not the lightest of beings nowadays! But then again, neither is he. I want to explore a practice where we can have fun together and connect, doing something we're both good at. We both love dancing, no, I mean we LOVE dancing… In fact, it's one of the strongest thing we have in common. But as fun as it may be, I want to do something a little more spiritual and something to get our asses in shape. Dance can certainly be that, but it bring more the sexual self out of me than the sensual and spiritual. Acroyoga is a huge challenge that will require some adjustments in our lifestyle I think.

I've tried Kundalini Yoga at home and I really liked it at first, and then the pain became unbearable. I'm hoping that with experienced teachers, I can modify the poses and perhaps do things more effectively. I get a little discouraged with research when it comes to a topic I know nothing about, so taking a class sounds like a good choice for now. I like the idea that yoga is a solitary practice as opposed to martial arts. People get on my nerves pretty damn fast, so it's not a good idea to throw myself to the sharks.

Also, I realized recently that I feel overwhelmed with being in a self defence frame of mind all the time. I don't know how my husband does it, but I feel out of balance if I live there too long, so it's time to look at that. Maybe I'm more YIN than I thought, or maybe, I finally expressed it all and I'm ready to be at peace. Wouldn't that be something?!

So I plan on keeping a journal, and seeing/sharing what this practice brings. I know I don't like first times in a new place, but the front desk girl was nothing short of amazing and genuine, crap, she even loves working there. I don't like feeling vulnerable and scared, and I particularly do not like not knowing where shit is. I hate thinking I'm fat, I don't appreciate thinking I look foolish, I can't say I'm a big fan of not knowing sequences. Okay, it's time to practice being a white belt again. There are plenty of things I love, and I have everything I need to deal with my lovely mind who seems so eager to have me fail.

I'm ready to let you go EGO!

HERE GOES NOTHING
My first class is at 18:30
I'll probably be there super early
and breathing.

See you on the flip side!

A dragon is born.

I was born in Montreal to a beautiful and powerful single mother, at noon, on August 6 1968. She told me she met my father on vacation in Bermuda, and that one thing they had in common was a broken heart. What I remember is that it was a sad story. My mother had just lost her great love, and my father was a soldier leaving for Vietnam the next morning. That's pretty much all I got. I wish I had more details for you, but it's one of those things that will forever remain a mystery. That's a lot more than I had growing up! I don't even remember being curious about it, well, maybe a bit about my father and his work. Interestingly enough, what I was hoping for the most was having a twin sister. I was pretty lonely at times...

My father went to war, and my mother returned home, pregnant. After some soul searching, her decision was to give me a better life than what she thought she could provide me with, or so she thought! She nursed me, named me, I was baptized and sent to a new home. I was never to see her again until years later whenI took the steps to find her. Unlike many children, I didn't grow up with the story of my birth whispered in my ear to rock me to sleep. Instead, I was told by my new mother about the miraculous day her and my father found me…

It was no surprise to hear that I was born a ginger, actually it's one of the things that make a lot of sense in my life. I'm so intense, that somedays I'd swear a dragon birthed me. I am not entirely sure if it is due to planetary alignment or a very challenging childhood, but there is no denying the fire in my belly. Apparently I was pretty miserable right from the start when I was brought home. It must have been hard for everyone involved. It's always lovely to hear about a childless family who finally get their wish come true, but you have to wonder about the natural mom and what she has to do in order to cope for such a loss.